Safe Space
What happened to you is not your fault. You are still smart. You are still worthy. Even if nobody in your life is saying that right now — we are.
This section exists because the village failed a lot of us. Here you'll find real resources, real information, and real stories from women who have been exactly where you are.
National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233Available 24/7 · Call or text · Chat at thehotline.org
Recognize It
Developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project (Duluth Model). These are the tactics used to maintain power and control. If you recognize these patterns, you are not imagining it.
Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), Duluth, MN. theduluthmodel.org
When You're Ready
You don't have to be ready to leave to start planning. Planning is not a commitment — it's a lifeline.
Important documents
Gather copies of: birth certificates, social security cards, passports, financial records, lease/mortgage, insurance cards. Store with a trusted person or in a safe deposit box they don't know about.
Emergency bag
Pack a bag and keep it somewhere accessible — at a friend's, in your car, at work. Include: medications, phone charger, cash, a change of clothes for you and kids, important documents.
Safe contacts
Identify 3 people you can call at any hour. Tell at least one person your situation. Have a code word with a trusted friend or neighbor that means "call 911."
Digital safety
Clear your browser history. Use private/incognito mode. Use a device they don't have access to. The hotline website has a quick-exit button. Consider a separate email address.
Financial steps
Open a bank account in your name only at a different bank. Start saving small amounts if possible. Know what accounts exist and what's in them. Screenshot financial records.
Community Wisdom
The system is broken in a lot of ways. It doesn't always go the direction it should. These are lessons from women who have been through it — what worked, what didn't, what they wish they'd known, and how to advocate for yourself and your kids.
This is not legal advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney or legal advocate in your area.
Document everything, always
Screenshots, dates, times, witnesses. Keep a private journal (not on shared devices). Courts love paper trails. Start now even if you think you won't need it.
The system is slow and that's not your fault
Cases drag. Continuances happen. Judges rotate. It doesn't mean you're losing — it means the system is overloaded. Keep showing up.
What worked for others may not work for you
Every judge, every county, every case is different. What your friend's cousin did in 2019 may not apply. Get a local advocate if you can.
Your children are watching how you handle this
Not to put pressure on you — but staying calm in court, even when it's unfair, matters. Kids remember. And judges notice.
A bad outcome is not the end
Orders can be modified. Custody can change. Situations evolve. One ruling is not forever, even when it feels like it.
You are allowed to advocate loudly
Write to your GAL. Request a guardian ad litem for your children. File motions. Ask questions. You are not being difficult — you are being a parent.
Tools that help
These are practical tools — for documentation, safety planning, and your own mental health. Affiliate links help keep this site free.
Lined Journal (Private Log)
A dedicated, undated journal for documenting incidents. Keep it somewhere only you can access. Courts love paper trails.
Find on Amazon →Safety PlanningPortable Safe / Lock Box
For storing copies of important documents — birth certificates, passports, financial records — somewhere accessible only to you.
Find on Amazon →Digital SafetyPrepaid Burner Phone
A secondary device for private communication, hotline calls, or browsing without it showing up on a shared account.
Find on Amazon →Mental HealthThe Body Keeps the Score
Bessel van der Kolk's landmark book on trauma and the body. If you've been told you're overreacting, this book will explain what's actually happening.
Find on Amazon →Court PrepOurFamilyWizard App
Court-admissible co-parenting communication app. Judges love it. Stops the "he said / she said" problem cold.
Visit site →Self-CareMagnesium Glycinate
Trauma and chronic stress deplete magnesium. Sleep, anxiety, muscle tension — this helps. Take it at night.
Find on Amazon →Amazon links are affiliate links — we earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. This helps keep Mama Squad free.